Monday, August 31, 2009
Mr. Fantastic, not content to rest on his laurels after an incredible streak of recent achievements (which include provoking the Hulk into destroying much of New York City, orchestrating the Gitmo-style imprisonment of his fellow superheroes, provoking an alien invasion), has dreamed up his wildest, most brilliant idea yet: Solve everything. I never would have thought of that. For Reed, this means creating a blasphemous device which grants him congress with the alternate Mr. Fantastics of a thousand worlds, and together they plot to alter the very fabric of reality to reflect their own megalomaniacal whims. If he really wants a challenge, perhaps he could hold off on tampering with the DNA of the universe and take another crack at curing the horrific deformities he inflicted upon his best friend fifty years ago. Hey, though, good job launching a rocket into outer space, mere men would have never dared dream it!
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Thor calls upon Dr. Strange, Sorcerer Supreme and blacksmith extraordinaire, to repair his damaged hammer (at the cost of his Odinescense or whatever) in time for the Thunder God to rob a ludicrously decrepit old woman of her soul, thereby reincarnating his lost lover Sif. Meanwhile, William the short-order cook attempts to convince the Gods of Asgard that Dr. Doom means to betray them, but frankly if the name "Dr. Doom" was not enough warning then I fear there may be no reaching them.
Having succeeded in his quest to turn the Earth into such a living shithole that there will be no future for Cable to flee into, Bishop takes control of the last remaining city and hunts for Hope at the scene of humanity's last stand. Cable, having been separated from Hope for two years while suffering from the loss of telekinetic control over the techno-organic virus that plagues his body, arrives to find a now adolescent Hope living in hiding, protected by a boy she's fallen in love with. Horrified at this, Cable steals a rocket built by the inhabitants of the city (their last hope for escaping the dying Earth and preserving the human race) and flies off into space. I realize Bishop and Cable believe that none of this will count if Hope dies/lives (depending on which one you ask) and I hope one of them is right, because otherwise these two assholes are going to have a lot to answer for.