Thursday, October 30, 2008

Captain America #43

In this issue, Bucky gets his ass kicked by Batroc the Leaper.

Bucky est donné des coups de pied son âne par le Batroc Leaper.

Comment embarrassant!

THOR #11

It's been a year since the death of Steve Rogers, and Thor finally gets around to visiting the Captain America memorial in New York to pay his damn respects. Upon arriving, he attempts to summon forth Cap's soul -- a gesture that seems almost touching in its sad futility, until Captain America's literal ghost appears (!). Ghost Captain America charitably declines Thor's offer to avenge his death, but does go on to complain that his soul cannot rest because political pundits won't stop exploiting his death for ratings. It may seem unbecoming for the spirit of history's greatest hero to be so agitated by the nightly news, but the mighty Thor is nothing if not accommodating, and he uses his Hammer of the Gods to disrupt the transmission of cable news networks for sixty seconds of silence. Deeply touching.

Meanwhile, the other Norse gods are getting bored in Oklahoma, and the sexy new Loki begins planting the seeds for war between Asgard and Earth. This may strike you as an issue more urgently requiring the attention of Thor than making sure cranky old ghosts don't get too worked up when they watch TV, but the thoughts of the gods are not ours to understand, my friends.

EDITOR'S NOTE: i am not joking all of that really happened in this issue

Friday, October 17, 2008

I saw "Watchmen" for sale at Wal-Mart today

This new world is very different from the one I grew up in

Thursday, October 16, 2008


That crazy Wolverine is up to his old tricks again, unraveling yet another shadowy conspiracy from his shadowy past, and this time he's brought his shadowy son, Daken, along for the ride! All this shadowiness seems to have put Logan on edge, because he's acting like a god damn lunatic -- first punching out both Cyclops and Emma for not telling him that Charles Xavier is still alive, even though they'd just found out themselves, and then immediately threatening murder when the Professor doesn't agree to tamper with the mind of his emotionally damaged son. Daken, meanwhile, is contacted by the shadowy Mrs. Sinister (apparently Marvel editorial decided this month that female versions of popular villains are the greatest fucking idea the world's ever heard of) and is lit on fire by some shadowy Black Helicopter types. No one ever said life in the shadows was easy!

The "original sin" referred to in the title is revealed when Wolverine reminds Charles (who, after being shot point blank in the head by Bishop, is understandably suffering from some light amnesia) that Logan was originally placed in the X-Men to kill him. This would be a fairly shocking revelation, if Mark Millar hadn't done the exact same story in Ultimate X-Men a few years ago. Nonetheless, this issue does provide a hilarious scene where Charles, upon learning that Logan has a twisted adult son, looks at him like he wants to shake his hand and light him a cigar. I award this issue an enthusiastic thumbs up!

Saturday, October 4, 2008


New Exiles exists largely, I assume, to keep legendary X-Men scribe Chris Claremont off the streets, and the premise suits him perfectly: a bunch of alternate X-Men from different dimensions jump from variant Earth to variant Earth and resist whichever superhero has inexplicably turned to evil and conquered that particular world. The concept frees Claremont to do whatever he wants with his pet characters without stepping on the toes of anyone writing the flagship (re: profitable) X-Books.

Unfortunately, Claremont is, as of this writing, one hundred and seventeen years old, and he has absolutely nothing left to say about the X-Men. In this issue we see a heroic Sabretooth on the run from an evil Wolverine (OMG THE WORLD HAS GONE TOPSY-TURVY) until Kitty Pryde intervenes and says things like "This is so not good" and "That was so totally my bad". SLAMMO!

Oh good, another issue of fucking Cable


The cover of this comic book is inexcusably terrible. It looks like it was stolen from a 16-year-old's deviantArt page. That aside, this issue takes a step back from the precipice of Total Fucking Insanity that this book had been teetering upon. Two years have passed in the future, and Cable has married and settled into quiet domesticity, raising the still-unnamed kid in a farming community. There's some good stuff here, like Cable wondering whether Little Girl's tantrums are a product of her violent early life or just a normal kid thing. There is also a profoundly stupid scene of Cable's wife sleeping comfortably with her head nuzzled against his giant metal robot arm.

Meanwhile, Bishop visits the present and promptly gets his arm slashed off by Wolverine. Scott and Emma take turns interrogating him, until he finally gives up his plan: having failed to kill the baby, Bishop says the hell with it and decides he's just going to obliterate the entire space-time continuum, which strikes me as overreactive but strategically sound.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008