COMIX ON PARADE

Daredevil #117

Following the death of his wife, Wilson "The Kingpin" Fisk left America to start a new life in Europe, where he quickly fell in love with a Spanish woman and her two young children. For their sake he had renounced violence, and so it fell upon Lady Bullseye and her army of undead ninja assassins ("The Hand") to brutally murder them, and thereby free Fisk to return to the business of trying to kill Daredevil. This catastrophically stupid plan backfires almost immediately, as the Kingpin does return to New York to find Daredevil, but does so to form an alliance with the intent of destroying The Hand once and for all. Wilson seems to consider this a suicide mission, but seeing as The Hand have never successfully completed any evil plot that I can remember, he probably just has a death wish.




Dark Avengers #3


We flashback to Norman Osborn sitting down for a heart-to-heart with The Sentry about what it's like to be an out-of-control super-powered lunatic, while a bunch of crazy shit like this continues to happen.





Captain America #48

Bucky has been captured by the mad scientist Zhang Chin, an enemy from his past who has also managed to kidnap Namor the Sub-Mariner and to resurrect the original Human Torch. Chin intends to use Human Torch as a carrier for a deadly virus he's created, but the Black Widow arrives in time to free the heroes. Bucky manages to stop the virus, while Namor kills Chin and reminds us surface dwellers of the need to control our useless and disgusting emotions -- a lesson both valuable and timely.




X-Force/Cable: MESSIAH WAR

Tired of waiting for Cable to stop dicking around in the future and bring the damn messiah home, Cyclops sends Wolverine and the other mean, pointy X-Men he hangs out with forward through time to find him. Upon arriving they immediately run into Deadpool, who is there not because he has a time machine but because he has just gone on living for a thousand years, and together they set out to find Cable and engage him in a completely pointless fight. Meanwhile, Bishop finds Cable's arch-enemy, his demented clone Stryfe, drinking in a bar. Bishop blames all of the crimes he's committed against humanity on Cable, and promises Stryfe revenge against HIS arch-enemy (Stryfe's, not Bishop's; Bishop's arch-enemy is Cable) Apocalypse if he kills Cable. Oh, and they might all be stuck in the future or something. I guess.



X-Men: Sword of the Braddocks

lol I changed my mind, I do not want to read this fucking thing